It is interesting that Paul when speaking to the church in Philippines talked about participating with him in “giving and receiving”.

Acts 20:35 says “In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ “  We have so focused on the giving side, we have forgotten about the receiving and discounted it all together.

This receiving bit struck home to me this weekend as I have read the book  “The Go-Giver – A little story about a Powerful Business Idea” by Bob Burg and John David Mann.  I read it because I’m on a bit of a quest at the moment to read other literature that one wouldn’t normally class as Christian, but takes biblical principles and apply them to real world business situations.

Here is what the book blurb says about “The Go-Giver”:

The Go-Giver tells the story of an ambitious young man named Joe who yearns for success.  Joe is a true go-getter, though sometimes he feels as if the harder and faster he works, the further away his goals seem to be.  And so one day, desperate to land a key sale at the end of a bad quarter, he seeks advice from the enigmatic Pindar, a legendary consultant referred to by his many devotees simply as the Chairman.

Over the next week, Pindar introduces Joe to a series of “go-givers”; a restaurateur, a CEO, a financial adviser, a real estate broker, and the “Connector”, who brought them all together.  Pindar’s friends share with Joe the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success and teach him how to open himself up to the power of giving.

Joe learns that changing his focus from getting to giving – putting other’s interest first and continually adding value to their lives – ultimately leads to unexpected returns.

Imparted with wit and grace, the Go-Giver is a heartwarming and inspiring tale that brings new relevance to the old proverb “Give and you shall receive.”

I’m going to give a summary of the principles outlined in this book, but you really do need to read it to see the context within which the principles are shared to gain the full impact of them.

Successful people keep their focus on what they’re  giving and that’s what creates their success.

What you focus on is what you get.

Ultimately the world treats you more or less the way you expect to be treated.

The word secret – originally it meant something treasured – something sifted, weighed and set apart for its special value.

What is shared is the Five laws of Stratospheric Success.  The key though to each of the laws is that once they are learned they must be put into practice the same day.

It never hurts to be kind to people.

Appearances can be deceiving.  Truth is, they nearly always are.

Everyone likes to be appreciated – that the golden rule in business – all things being equal, people will do business with and refer business to those people they know, like and trust.

Law Number One – the Law of Value – “Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.”

The first question should be, ‘Does it serve? Does it add value to others?’ If the answer to that question is yes, then you can go ahead and ask, “does it make money?” Or in other words, exceed people’s expectations, and they’ll pay you even more.

The point is not to have them pay you more, it’s to give them more.  You give, give, give. Why?  Because you love to.  It’s not a strategy, it’s a way of life.  And when you do, then very, very profitable things being to happen.

All the great fortunes of the world have been created by men and women who had a greater passion for what they were giving – their product, service or idea – than for what they were getting.  And many of those great fortunes have been squandered by others who had a greater passion for what they were getting than what they were giving.

Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.  But doing that doesn’t necessarily mean that the payment you receive will increase.  The first law determines how valuable you are.  In other words, your potential success, how much you could earn.  But it’s the Second law that determines how much you actually do earn.

The Second Law – the Law of Compensation – Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

Your compensation is directly proportional to how many lives you touch.

It’s not a question of their value.  It’s a question of impact.

There are two amazing things about this.  First, it means that you get to determine your level of compensation – it’s under your control.  If you want more success, find a way to serve more people.  It’s that simple.  Secondly, it means there are no limitations on what you can earn, because you can always find more people to serve.

Rev Martin Luther King Jr once said, “Everybody can be great because anybody can serve.”  Another way to say that might be, “Everybody can be successful because anybody can give.”

I was brought up to believe that there are two types of people in the world.  There are people who get rich, and there are people who do good.  My belief system said you’re one or the other, you can’t be both.  The people who got rich did so by taking advantage of everyone else.  The people who really cared about others and provided services – policeman, nurses, volunteer workers, and of course, teachers – those were the world’s good people, and they could never be rich.  That would be a contradiction in terms.  I saw that my old belief system as only getting in the way.  It wasn’t serving. So I decided to change it.

Your life works the same way.  You just make it up.  Being broke and being rich are both decisions.  You make them up, right up here (your mind).  Everything else is just how it plays out.

What you focus on is what you get.

You need to give more in value than you get in payment.  You need to enlarge the number of people that you serve.

Three universal reasons for working: Survive – to meet your basic living needs.  Save – to go beyond your basic needs and expand your life. And serve – to make a contribution to the world around you.

Unfortunately most people spend their entire lives focusing on the first.  A smaller number focus o the second.  But those rare few who are truly successful – not just financially, but genuinely successful in all aspects of their lives – keep their focus squarely on the third.

Changing my focus from seeing what I could get to what I could give was when my career started to take off. Started to.  But in a business like mine – actually in any business – you also need to know how to develop a network.

By a network I don’t necessarily mean your customers or clients.  I mean a network of people who know you, like you and trust you.  They might never buy a thing from you, but they’ve always go you in the backs of their minds.  They’re people who are personally invested in seeing you succeed, y’see? And of course, that’s because you’re the same way about them.  They’re your army of personal walking ambassadors.

When you’ve got your own army of personal walking ambassadors, you’ll have referrals coming your way faster than you can handle them.

We need to stop keep score.

When you base your relationships in business or anywhere else in your life on who owes who what, that’s not being a friend, that’s being a creditors.

We need to watch out for the other guy.  Watch out for his interests.  Watch his back.  Forget about fifty-fifty.  Fifty-fifty’s a losing proposition.  the only winning proposition is one hundred percent. Make your win about the other person, go after what he wants.  Forget win-win focus on the other person’s win.

The Third Law, the Law of influence:  Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.

Because if you place the other person’s interests first, your interest will always be taken care of.  Always.  Some people call it enlightened self-interest.  Watch out for what other people need, with the faith that when you do, you’ll get what you need.

What creates influence? Money, position, a history of outstanding accomplishments?  Those things don’t create influence – influence creates them. What creates it?  Putting other people’s interests first?

Have you ever wondered what makes people attractive? I mean, genuinely attractive? magnetic? They love to give.  That’s way they’re attractive.  Givers attract. And that’ why the law of influence works.  Because it magnetizes you.

These lessons don’t only apply to business.  A genuinely sound business principle will apply anywhere in life – in your friendships, in your marriage, anywhere.  That’s the true bottom line.  Not whether it simply improves your financial balance sheet, but whether it improves your life’s balance sheet.

The success of a happy marriage – I care more about my wife’s happiness that I do about my own.

You need to learn to be a friend.  How to care.  How to make people feel good about themselves.  And that, my friends, is something the marketplace wants very much – always has and always will.

People remember this: no matter what your training no matter what your skills, no matter what area you’re in, you are your most important commodity.  The most valuable gift you have to offer is you.

Reaching any goal you set takes ten percent specific knowledge or technical skills – ten percent, max.  The other ninety-plus percent is people skills.

And what’s the foundation of all people skills? Liking people? Caring about people? Being a good listener? Those are all helpful, but they’re not the core of it.  The core of it is who you are.  It starts with you.

The Fourth Law:  The Law of Authenticity: The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

When you talk about giving, the first thing that comes to mind is “It is better to give than to receive”.

If you’re a good person, that’s what you do, you give.  Good people give and don’t think of receiving.  But you, you think about receiving all the time, you can’t help it.  Which means you’re probably not really a very good person … so why bother trying?  All this giving stuff sounds great – for some people. For people like me, maybe. But not for you. It’s just not who you are.

Receiving is the natural result of giving.  If you give and then try to stop the receiving that comes back, you’re like King Canute watching the tide roll out and commanding it not to come back in,.  It has to come back in, just as your heart has to contract after relaxing.

At this instant, all over the globe, all of humanity is breathing in oxygen and breathing out carbon dioxide.  So is the rest of the animal kingdom.  And right now, at this instant, all over the globe, the billions and billions or organisms of the plant kingdom are doing the exact opposite – they’re breathing in carbon dioxide and breathing out oxygen. Their giving is our receiving, and our giving is their receiving.

In fact, every giving can only happen only because it is also a receiving

All the giving in the world won’t bring success, won’t create the results you want, unless you also make yourself willing and able to receive in like measure.  Because if you don’t let yourself receive, you’re refusing the gifts of others – and you shut down the flow.  Because human beings are born with appetite, nothing is more naturally geared toward being receptive than a baby, and if the secret of staying young, vibrant and vital throughout life is to hang onto those most precious characteristics we all have as children but which get drummed out of us – like having big dreams, being curious, and believing in yourself – then one of those characteristics is being open to receiving, being hungry to receive, being ravenous to receive!

So the secret to success to gaining it to having it, is to give, give, give. The secret to getting is giving.  And the secret to giving is making yourself open to receiving.  What do you call this law?

The Fifth Law: The Law of Receptivity – the key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

I trust that you have enjoyed this summary of the book.  Really though you need to read it yourself to see the context of how each of the laws is given and described.  Be blessed as you read it.  Let me know your thoughts as well.

Last weekend I was struck by a lady who shared her testimony that she had gone into a severe depression when he daughter had left for college.  A friend of hers encouraged her to send a thank you card to one person every day for seven days.  At the end of that seven days the depression broke.  That shows the power of thankfulness.

On Wednesday night I was preparing for a trip to Sydney the next day, I had a lot to do in preparation for the various meetings that I needed to attend the next day, but felt that I needed to take some time out and send thank you cards for the various meetings that I had already been in that week.  The next day on the plane to Sydney I took some time to ask God about some various situation in my own life and as I journalled there were some amazing insights that came.  I remember thinking, God where did that all come from, the answer came, because of your thankfulness you created an altar and prepared a way for the salvation of God to come – in my case that was some answers to some much-needed questions.

As a result I wanted to do some reading and research to learn of others who have practised a life of thankfulness to see the results.  This book by Tommy Wyatt & Curtis Lewsey is the first I’ve read, there are some amazing stories in here which I wanted to share with you.
Wyatt & Lewsey talk about Appreciation Marketing explaining that building better and stronger relationships with your inner circle and your client base is more important today than it ever was before.  Not only is it fundamentally wise, but where your present and future success is concerned, it’s essential.

They share that the truth is, not saying thank you does more damage than actually saying thank you does good.

In the business arena though, especially today, those age-old words – thank you – have given companies and individuals a series edge in the marketplace.  Simply heartfelt thank you messages have created a competitive advantage.  When was the last time you got a personal greeting card in the mailbox?  When was the last time you had a handwritten card on your windshield, on your door, or even on your pillow?  A little better than an email, huh?

One example is of Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mark Kay Cosmetics.  She build a $1.2 billion cosmetics empire because she understood the importance of gratitude.  Her personal philosophy, which she taught to her sales reps , was to send out three hand-written thank you notes every night before bed.

This practice not only expressed her gratitude to the people she met and did business with, but also allowed her to maintain a positive attitude all day long as she sought out people to whom she’d send these thank you notes.

Today Mary Kay Cosmetics has 1.5 million sales people in 32 countries.  She knew how to harness the power of thank you.

Clearly sending notes and cards isn’t the only way to say thank you.  But it just might be the best way.

A phone call is nice, an email does the trick, but it’s the actual note or card that sets you apart big time.  Think about it.  You hang up the phone.  You delete the email.  But what do you do with the card?  Yeah, many times it gets thrown away, but how many old greeting cards do you have around that you’ve saved – for whatever reason?  There’s something about a heartfelt note or greeting card that makes a person feel special.  Sort of like a photo album.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said people will forget what you did, but people will never gorget how you made them feel.”  Maya Angelou

When is it too late to say thank you?  The answer is:  Never

The proper thing to do would be to send a thank you note and apologize for it being late.  Tell the person about how you’ve been thinking about them and their wonderful gesture and have been meaning to get out that thank you, but life got in the way.  You’ll come off like a star.  Problem solved.

What to say “thank you” for..

This shouldn’t be a tricky subject at all. The answer is: Everything!

The Appreciation Marketing genius is creative when it comes to the subject of thank you.  Not only is he automatic in expressing the expect thank yous, but he’s constantly finding ways to convey the unexpected thank yous that have far more impact.

Think about it.  You expect a thank you when you give somebody a gift or go out of your way in some capacity.  But how often do you receive a thank you from somebody for something small or even something profound?

A “something small” could be: Thank you for meeting me for coffee.  Something “profound” might be:  Thank you for being a positive influence on my life or my business career.

In either case, the expected thank yous are important – but they are expected.  However it’s unexpected gratitude that sets you apart as an extraordinary human being.  It’s the type of appreciation that creates warm feelings toward you and is then passed along to others.

The “Next Level” of Thank you

There are varying degrees of thank you:

First you have the words, “thank you”

Second you have a gesture, like a phone call, a greeting card, or a personal note: both expected an unexpected.

And, finally, we have the next level of thank you; the gift.  There is no classier expression of gratitude than to include a gift with a heartfelt thank you.

Dr Steven Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, in his newest book “Everyday Greatness” he wrote:

“In terms of the energy and know-how required, gratitude is one of the easiest of all principles to apply.  Though it also generally returns rich dividends, it is vastly underutilized.  Why?  Perhaps because of a lack of humility – It can be hard to acknowledge the need to be helped.  Or a lack of courage – a person might be too shy to tell another how much he or she means.  Yet, people with Everyday Greatness are quick to exhibit everyday gratitude.  They do not take life or the kindness of others for granted.  They are eager to say thanks and among the first to express praise.”

Tim Sanders, the Chief Solutions officer at Yahoo! in his book “The Likeability Factor” says:  “Our nation is so focused on efficiency and productivity that we forget that likeability is truly our lifeline.  People who are likeable, or who have what I call a high L-factor, tend to land jobs more easily, find friends more quickly, and have happier relationships.  I now believe having a high L-factor isn’t just a way to improve your life, it’s a way to save it.”

A 2000 Yale University study showed that the majority of today’s successful business leaders attained their edge through likeability.  They make it a habit to treat their customers, employees, colleagues, and associates with respect and they get the same in return.

You need to internalize what every customer thinks ….

“I’d be happy to do business with you … if only I liked you”

Don’t serve up chocolate coated dog crap.  What is that?  it is simply a self-serving action that is being “dressed up” or disguised to look like a heartfelt gesture.  An example, sending a birthday card and including your business card in it.  It’s very simply the act of doing something with the full intent of getting something in return.

If you were to send your friends, customers and clients a real heartfelt birthday card (hmmm, there’s an interesting idea), and kept is as such, you’d be a genius.

A little sincerity goes a long way in this world.  The concept is so “old school” that people, in their efforts to do things better, faster and more efficiently have drifted farther and farther away from what is logical.

Plant a TOMATO garden – TOMATO stands for “Top of Mind Awareness … Through Others”.

Top of Mind Awareness (TOMA)  is when someone thinks of you whenever a certain topic comes up.

Jordan Adler, author of Beach Money, is one of the most successful networkers in the world.  He believes that there are three factors that will determine how powerful your network will be as it relates to your income and your success.

1.  How many people do you have in your contact manager?

2.  What is the quality of the relationships you have with the people in your contact manager?  Do they like you and do they trust you?

3.  Do those people in your contact manager remember you?

An excellent way to go about your new Appreciation Marketing Strategy would be to focus on serving others.  Not for dinner, but finding ways to help them achieve their goals and dreams.

“You can have everything you want, if you just help enough other people get what they want.”  Zig Ziglar

Learn a lesson from JFK “Ask not what other people can do for you; ask what you can do for them”

Caring about other people and taking a genuine interest in them is also part of your forming a magnetic personality.  And isn’t that what you’d like where your business and personal life are concerned?

Bill Cates “Referrals come through who you are, not what you sell.”

How might your business be enhanced if you made it a point to meet people, get their business cards, and create sincere “giving” relationships?  What if you made it a point to refer business to people and expected nothing in return?  I’m going to suggest that you’ll have other people referring you more business than you can handle.

Bill Cates, author of “Unlimited Referrals:  Secrets that Turn Business Relationships into Gold calls these relationships “referral alliances”.

“I know sales people who have built incredible careers using this referral alliance strategy.  Just as referral selling is more than just a bunch of techniques (it’s a way of thinking), so too is this concept of forming referral alliances.  You move through life acting on the knowledge that building strong, mutually beneficial relationships with people, even those who may never buy what you sell, will take you to higher levels of success.”

That little Extra

“The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra”.  Former Dallas Cowboys coach, Jimmy Johnson

Sam Parker and Mac Anderson point out in their book 212 The Extra Degree point out that a 211-degrees, water is hot.  At 212-degrees water boils.  With boiling water comes steam, and steam can power a locomotive.  They point out that “it’s the one extra degree of effort, in business and in life, that can separate the good from the great.”

Sales statistics on why customers leave show that one out of a hundred will die, three will relocate, five will buy from a friend, nine will be stolen by a competitor, fourteen will leave on price point, and sixty-eight out of a hundred will leave you because of perceived difference.

What exactly is perceived indifference?  Perceived indifference could mean that your customer didn’t think you’d care if he left.  Or, it could mean that he didn’t think you cared about him.  Or maybe he doesn’t care about you.

Whatever it actually means, one thing is for sure…

A customer will stay if they think you do care about them! And if they think you care about them … they care about you.

So how does one set up an Appreciation Marketing Strategy?

Make a list of the people you know.  These are the initial people that you appreciation should start to flow to.  Start with the obvious, making one quick phone call a day.

Next grab a stack of thank you cards, a stack of nice-to-meet-you cards, and a few birthday cards and keep them in a box in your office, along with a roll of stamps.  How about once or twice a day, you pull one out, tell somebody that you’re thinking about them, address the envelope and put it in the mailbox.

Need an extra hour a day.  Wake up 15 minutes earlier, go to lunch 15 minutes later, get back from lunch 15 minutes earlier, and go to bed 15 minutes later.  There’s your hour.

Robin Hensley, author of Raising the Bar has built a career on going the extra mile, believes that taking the extra few minutes to send an actual greeting card, as opposed to just an email, sets her apart and shows someone that she recognizes them as a human being.  “A written note also shows that you’re a very thoughtful and organized person.”

“People know when you’re sincere  in your intent.  It’s not a marketing tool and it’s not a matter of just going through the motions.  My business is about people and helping them achieve their goals.  When you write to recognize people for their accomplishments, it makes them feel better and also makes you feel better.”

Appreciation isn’t a to do list. It needs to be a principles.  It needs to be a habit. It needs to be carried out a level of unconscious competence.

Anthony Robbins “When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears.”

Did you every think it odd that when people pray, consciously or otherwise, they always seem to be asking for something?  They only seem to pray in a time of need.  Well, doesn’t it stand to reason that the laws of appreciation – which I submit are universal laws – should then also hold up when it comes to praying?

Wallace Wattles says “the grateful mind is constantly fixed upon the best.  Therefore, it tends to become the best; it takes the form or character of the best and will receive the best.”

Reasons to be grateful are all around us, even in the worst of times.  Yet, it is easy to take these things for granted.

Become a “good finder”

Gratitude is an attitude and attitude is everything.

If you think you’re great, everyone else will too.

What is true greatness?  It’s the opinion you have of yourself.  I can’t place the quote, but at some time during the past ten years I heard some famous water-walking self-help guru say “the most important conversation you have is the conversation you have with yourself. Amen!

Og Mandino, the Greatest Salesman in the World says “I am nature’s greatest miracle.  I am not on this earth by chance.  I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not shrink to a grain of sand.  Henceforth I will apply all my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.”

The popcorn principles simply states that certain actions repeated, when done in the proper sequence, will always yield the desired outcome.

The popcorn principle states that if you follow these directions to a tee, you’ll end up with a perfect bowl of popcorn every time.  Why then, do people still mess it up?

The challenge with this principle, you see, is that people don’t like to follow directions.

How does all this relate to Appreciation Marketing?

Simple if you begin to utilize and appreciation marketing system that includes saying thank you, being a more likable person, being a giver, sending random notes and greeting cards for no particular reason, expressing genuine gratitude through heartfelt phone calls and unexpected small gifts, acknowledging and appreciating yourself and all the things in your life, then you – just like you did with that bag of popcorn – will reap the benefits of an abundant life.  This will carry forth in both your business and your personal life, guaranteed.

The secret is simple: choose and practice a few simple disciplines – negative or positive – compound them daily and then project your life forward.

“Doubt will take you out of action; Action will take you out of doubt” Pat Hintze

“You have to be, before you can do. And you have to do, before you can have.”  Zig Ziglar

So here’s where the rubber meets the road. When challenges arise, you can do one of three things.  You can worry.  You can hope.  Or you can create.  You create by taking action and we suggest that you being your action by creating your own personal appreciation marketing system.

Sending thank you notes is also a huge part of an effective appreciation marketing system.  The “expected” thank yous are crucial, but it’s the “unexpected” thank yous that set you apart.  What’s an unexpected thank you?  Think about it.  If you go out of your way for somebody, or give somebody a gift, you expect a thank you. when it comes, its appreciated but, gain, it was expected.

An unexpected thank you is exactly that.  You didn’t expect to get it.  Few people understand the power of the unexpected thank you because so few people have ever received one.  Your job is to send them.

Smile.

Use two-handed handshakes.

When you hire somebody and they do excellent work for you, in addition to thanking them properly, take a few minutes and type up a professional looking testimonial on your personal (or your company) letterhead. Then sign it.  This simple act will come back to you ten-fold.

It’s crucial to your AMS that you do not include business cards, logos, or promotional materials of any kind with these gifts!  Remember the phony dog poop cake.

Many times we make assumptions that people know how much we care about them, so we don’t make the effort to communicate it.

The biggest regret that people carry around, generally, is that they neglected to appreciate someone and then that someone dies.  The greatest thing you can do for another person, and yourself, is to express your gratitude and your feelings to the people in your life – while they are still in your life!

Just use your imagination.  Apply an attitude of gratitude to everything that you do and don’t forget to appreciate yourself along the way.

The Appreciator

… Expresses Gratitude

… is a Magnetic Person

… Gives off positive energy

… controls his enthusiasm

… lifts other people up

… doesn’t complain

… is humble

… is genuine and patient

… is clean

… is sincere

… builds strong relationships

… is a giver

… is a connector

… goes the extra mile

… recognizes his assets

… is grateful

… sees good when others cannot

… loves life

… practices proper habits

I would strongly encourage you to read this great book.  You can purchase it through amazon.  Also check out their website at www.appreciationmarketing.com

Let me know what you think once you have read it.

God is constantly saying in his word when he speaks to people “Do Not Be Afraid”.  Remember what God said to Joshua in Joshua 1:6-9:

⁶ “Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. ⁷ Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. ⁸ Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. ⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

How many times did he have to tell Joshua that he wasn’t to be afraid?

Two keys to overcoming fear:

1.  Understand that perfect love casts out fear.

1 John 4:18 says: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

As we understand how much God loves us and cares for us and realize that nothing can harm us, that we can move forward.

2.  Action cures fear.

I’ve found what David Schwartz has to say in this chapter to be very comforting and very helpful.  Some key thoughts he brings out are:

Fear is real.  And we must recognize it exists before we can conquer it.

Fear is success enemy number one.  Fear stops people from capitalizing on opportunity; fear wears down physical vitality; fear actually makes people sick, causes organic difficulties, shortens life; fear closes our mouth when you want to speak.

Fear – uncertainty, lack of confidence – explains why we still have economic recessions.  Fear explains why millions of people accomplish little and enjoy little.

Truly, fear is a powerful force.  In one way or another fear prevents people from getting what they want from life.

Fear of all kinds and sizes is a form of psychological infection.  We can cure a mental infection the same way we cure a body infection – with specific, proved treatments.

First, though, as part of your pretreatment preparation condition yourself with this fact:  all confidence is acquired, developed.  No one is born with confidence, who have conquered worry, who are at ease everywhere and all the time, acquired their confidence, every bit of it.

You can, too, This chapter shows how.

Reading the above quote, it makes so much sense why God says that we are not to fear, that we are to be strong and courageous.

But how?

Action does cure fear.

When we face tough problems, we stay mired in the mud until we take action.  Hope is a start.  But hope needs action to win victories.

Isolate your fear. Then take appropriate action.

A two-step procedure to cure fear and win confidence:

1.  Isolate your fear.  Pin it down. Determine exactly what you are afraid of.

2.  Then take action.  There is some kind of action for any kind of fear.

(on page 54 Schwartz has a fantastic table of the type of fear and the actions steps to overcome that fear)

Muck lack of self-confidence can be traced directly to a mismanaged memory. (This is a fascinating section and must read)

Two specific things to do to build confidence through efficient management of your memory bank:
1.  Deposit only positive thoughts in your memory bank

2.  Withdraw only positive thoughts from your memory bank

There is a fascinating testimony of an associate in a firm of psychological consultants who handled many types of cases, but mostly marriage problems and psychological adjustment situations. His remark was:  ”You know, there would be no need for my services if people would do just one thing.” “Simply this:  destroy their negative thoughts before those thoughts become mental monsters.”

He goes on to say:

Don’t build mental monsters.  Refuse to withdraw the unpleasant thoughts from your memory bank.  When you remember situations of any kind, concentrate on the good part of the experience; forget the bad.  Bury it.  If you find yourself thinking about the negative side, turn your mind off completely.

And here is something very signficant and very encouraging.  Your mind wants you to forget the unpleasant.  If you will just cooperate, unpleasant memories will gradually shrivel and the teller in your memory bank will cancel them out.

Fear of other people is a big fear. But there is a way to conquer it.  You can conquer fear of people if you will learn to put them into proper perspective.

Here are two ways to put people in proper perspective:

1.  Get a balanced view of the other person.  Keep these two points in mind when dealing with people:  first, the other person is important.  Emphatically, they are important.  Every human being is.  But remember this, also:  You are important, too.  So when you meet another person, make it a policy to think, “We’re just two important people sitting down to discuss something of mutual interest and benefit.”

2.  Develop an understanding attitude.  People who want figuratively to bit you, growl at you, pick on you, and otherwise chop you down are not rare.  If you’re not prepared for people like that, they can punch big holes in your confidence and make you feel completely defeated.  You need a defense against the adult bully, the fellow who likes to throw his meager weight around.

Remember hold your fire.  The way to win in situations like this is to let the other fellow blow his stack and then forget it.

Practice doing what your conscience tells you is right.  This prevents a poisonous guilt complex from developing.  Dong what’s right is a very practical rule for success.

Make everything about you say, “I’m confidence, really confident.”  Practise these little techniques in  your day-to-day activities:

- be a front seater.

- make eye contact

- walk 25 percent faster

- speak up

- smile big.

The kids watched “The Sound of Music” on Saturday night.  When Maria was first going to the Von Trapp families home she sang the song all about having confidence.  It’s the same thing, have confidence in  yourself that you can do it!

All the excuses made by the mediocre person could be but aren’t made by the successful person.

You must vaccinate yourself against excusitis, the disease of the failures.

The Four Most Common Forms of Excusitis:

1.  “But My Health Isn’t Good”

To lick this, you need to:

a.  Refuse to talk about your health

b. Refuse to worry about your health

c.  Be genuinely grateful that your health is as good as it is.

d.  Remind yourself often “It’s better to wear out than run out”

(Remember:  life and death is in the power of the tongue.  There are times we need to admit that we have a health issue, look at those who were healed in the Bible, they all had to come to Jesus and say this is what I have and Jesus healed them all.)

2.  But You’ve Got to Have Brains to Have Success

This one is very common, so common that perhaps as many as 95% of the people around us have it in varying degrees.

Most of us make two basic errors with respect to intelligence:
a.  We underestimate our brainpower

b.  We overestimate the other person’s brainpower.

What really matters is not how much intelligence you have, but how you use what you do have.

The thinking that guides your intelligence is much more important than how much intelligence you have.

Interest, enthusiasm, is the critical factor.

Stickability is 95% of ability.

Knowledge is power when you use it constructively.

Knowledge is only power when put to use – and then only when the use made of it is constructive.

Einstein taught us a big lesson.  He felt it was more important to use your mind to think than to use it as a warehouse for facts.

What I want around me are people who can solve problems, who can think up ideas.  People who can dream and then develop the dream into a practical application; an idea man can make money with me; a fact man can’t.

Three ways to cure intelligence excusitis are:

a.  Never underestimate your own intelligence, and never overestimate the intelligence of others.  Do not sell yourself short.  Concentrate on your assets. Discover your superior talents.  Remember, it’s not how many brains you’ve got that matters.  Rather, it’s how you use your brains that counts.  Manage your brains instead of worrying about how much IQ you’ve got.

b.  Remind yourself several times daily, “My attitudes are more important than my intelligence.”

c.  Remember that the ability to think is of much greater use than the ability to memorize facts.

3.  It’s no Use.  I’m too Old or Too Young

a.  Look at your present age positively.  Think “I’m still young” not “I’m already old” practicee looking forward to new horizons and gain the enthusiasm and the feel of youth.

b.  Compute how much productive time you have left.  Remember, a person age thirty still has 80% of his productive life ahead of him.  And the fifty year old has a big 40% – the best 40% – of his opportunity years left.  LIfe is actually longer than most people think!

c.  Invest future time in doing what you really want to do.  It’s too late only when you let your mind go negative and think it’s too late.  Stop thinking, “I should have started years ago.”  That’s failure thinking.  Instead think, “I’m going to start now, my best years are ahead of me.” That the way successful people think.

4.  But My Case is Different; I Attract Bad Luck

Conquer this by:

a.  Accepting the law of cause and effect.  Take a second look at what appears to be someone’s “good luck”.  You’ll find that not luck but preparation, planning, and success-producing thinking preceded his good fortune.  Take a second look at what appears to be someone’s “bad luck”.  Look, and you’ll discover certain specific reasons.  Mr Success receives a setback; he learns and profits.  But when Mr. Mediocre loses, he fails to learn.

b.  Don’t be a wishful thinker.  Don’t waste your mental muscles dreaming of an effortless way to win success.  We don’t become successful simply through luck.  Success comes from doing those things and mastering those principles that produce success.  Don’t count on luck for promotions, victories, the good things in life.  Luck simply isn’t designed to deliver these good things.  Instead, just concentrate on developing those qualities in yourself that will make you a winner.

¹Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. ²This is what the ancients were commended for.

³By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible. ⁴By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man, when God spoke well of his offerings. And by faith he still speaks, even though he is dead.

⁵By faith Enoch was taken from this life, so that he did not experience death; he could not be found, because God had taken him away. For before he was taken, he was commended as one who pleased God. ⁶And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Another word for faith is belief.  I think part of the problem that we have today is a lot of people say that all you need is faith, but we are not taught what faith is and how to have faith.

Jesus encouraged us to have faith or belief, when he said in Matthew 17:20

²⁰He replied, “Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

It is interesting that this was given in the context of the disciples not being able to cast a demon out of a boy.  We could translate that into any situation in which we could not see God come in and move, or anything that is just too hard for us.  Jesus encouraged us that nothing will be impossible for you.  We need to meditate on that and think on that over and over again, believing that “nothing will be impossible for us”.

Some great quotes from this chapter include:

“Believe, really believe, you can move a mountain, and you can.  Not many people believe that they can move mountains.  So, as a result, not many people do.”

“Belief works this way.  Belief, the “I’m-positive- I-can” attitude, generates the power, skill and energy needed to do it.  When you believe I-can-do-it, the how-to-do-it develops.”

“The how-to-do-it always comes to the person who believes he can do it.”

“Those who believe they can move mountains, do. Those who believe they can’t cannot.  Belief triggers the power to do.”

“Disbelief is negative power. When the mind disbelieves or doubts, the mind attracts “reasons” to support the disbelief.  Doubt, disbelief, the subconscious will to fail, the not really wanting to succeed, is responsible for most failures.”

“Think doubt and fail”

“Think victory and succeed.”

“Belief is the thermostat that regulates what we will accomplish in life. Study the fellow who is shuffling down there in mediocrity.  He believes he is worth little, so he receives little. He believes he can’t do big things, and he doesn’t.  He believes he is unimportant, so everything he does has an  unimportant mark.  As times goes by, lack of belief in himself shows through in the way the fellow talks, walks, acts.  Unless he readjusts his thermostat forward, he shrinks, grows smaller and smaller, in his own estimation.  And, since others see in us what we see in ourselves, he grows smaller int he estimation of the people around him”.

Now look across the way at the person who is advancing forward.  He believes he is worth much, he receives much.  He believes he can handle big, difficult assignments – and he does.  Everything he does, the way he handles himself with people, his character, his thoughts, his viewpoints, all say, “Here is a professional.  He is an important person.”

A person is a product of his own thoughts.  Believe Big.  Adjust your thermostat forward.  Launch your success offensive with honest, sincere belief that you can succeed.  Believe big and grow big.

Believe in yourself and good things do start happening.

Your mind is a “thought factory”.  It’s a busy factory, producing countless thoughts in one day.

You have two foreman in charge “Mr Triumph” and “Mr Defeat”. Mr Triumph’s manufactures the positive thoughts, manufacturing why you can, why you’re qualified, why you will.  Mr Defeat manufactures the negatives ones why you can’t, why you’re weak, why you’re inadequate.

The more work you give either of these two foremen, the stronger he becomes.  Which one are you exercising.  It’s time to use Mr Triumph 100% of the time.

Three guides to acquiring and strengthening the power of belief:

1.  Think success, don’t think failure.  Let the master thought “I will succeed” dominate your thinking process.  Thinking success conditions your mind to create plans that produce success.

2.  Remind yourself regularly that you are better than you think you are. Successful people are just ordinary folks who have developed belief in themselves and what they do.  Never – yes, never sell yourself short.

3.  Believe Big.  The size of your success is determined by the size of your belief.  Think little goals and expect little achievements.  Think big goals and win big success.  Remember this, too!  Big ideas and big plans are often easier – certainly no more difficult – than small ideas and small plans.

I’ve found the book fascinating.  Mainly too because all year I’ve being hearing God say that the problem has been in my thinking.  This theme has been repeated again and again as I have spoken with numerous people.  As I started reading this book it has helped to clarify a number of things in my own mind.  So with this book I thought I would literally go through chapter by chapter and share a highlight from each one and put it up on the blog so that you can be encouraged by it.  And start to put some things into practice as a result.  I’m sure you will find the book extremely helpful to anyone who is in business or seeking to grow something.  With over 4 million copies sold of this book so far, it is so easy to see why.

In the preface, Dr Schwartz starts off by sharing a testimony about a sales meeting where they compared the difference between the various sales people.  The result, what that success is determined not so much by the size of one’s brain as it is by the size on one’s thinking. He goes on to say that as it took this and applied it to other case histories, he was able to prove that the size of one’s general satisfaction account is dependent on the size of one’s thinking.  The magic of thinking big.

The basic principles and concepts supporting “The Magic of Thinking Big” come from the highest of sources:

- King David – “as one thinketh in his heart so is he”

- Emerson – “Great men are those who see that thoughts rule the world”

- Milton in Paradise Lost – “the mind is its own place and in itself can make a heaven of hell or a hell of heaven.”

- Shakespeare – “There is nothing either good or bad except that thinking makes it so.”

Think Big and you will live big.  You’ll live big in happiness.  You’ll live big in accomplishment.  Big in income.  Big in friends.  Big in respect.

“Life is too short to be little.”  Disraeli – the Great Philosopher.

Let’s enjoy reading through this book together and applying the principles to our lives!

Purchase your copy at Amazon.com today – click here to order

I found Mitch’s book to be quite fascinating.  He has a great balance between examples of how different companies around the world have seen the new media work for them and work against them.  Those stories are combined with some very practical how to’s starting from the just starting out to the growing in to full scale operations.

The back cover calls it an “ultimate guidebook” and I would have to agree.  Anyone who is looking to grasp this whole area to build their business or build their ministry should read it.  It’s helped me to do some research and found out how to find out who is doing what in the area that of ministry to business people and I have been surprised about how little is out there.

There are a number of new terms to get hold of like “unconferences” taping into the “wisdom of crowds”, “prosumers”, “podcamps”, “micro-social networks” and the list goes on.

I would highly recommend that you grab a copy of this book, it is worth the read, it’s a manual that you will keep with you and refer back to, plus help to lay the foundations for what is happening now and going to happen in the future.

Mitch also has a great blog at www.twistimage.com/blog. This will help you keep up to date with what is happening as it is happening in this arena.

Looks to research here and implement.

That got me thinking, because I know of a number of couples who have gone to counseling and it hasn’t helped, but also couples who have gone and it has helped.  I did a bit of research on google this morning and it seems that there are others who think along the same lines.

Mark went on to say that the reason why there is such a high failure rate is that the whole premise of marriage counseling is wrong.  That they focus on what is wrong with you, why is that wrong, don’t you think that it is wrong what you did?  Instead the focus should be on what is right about the person.

My eldest sister came with me to the session last night and we had quite a lively discussion in the car going home about this.  You see Mark Gungor went on to say that when we change our focus from what is wrong about a person to what is right about a person that they have a 88%+ success rate.

I know I’m very good about focusing on what is wrong about a person or a situation, instead of focusing on what is right.  Philippians 4:8 says: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

In a marriage relationship, work setting, committee etc whatever situation we are in, people are different and rightly so, because if everyone was the same or had the same skill sets we wouldn’t accomplish anything!  God has uniquely designed us to be who we are.

My sister was very adamant to me last night that she believes that any two people can live together and make a marriage work as long as you focus on their strengths and not their weaknesses, how to build them up and not tear them down.

The other focus of the session last night was hitting the “reset” button, or the power of forgiveness.  Saying that forgiveness is an act.  Not an emotion.  Not an erasure of your memory.  saying forgiveness means you are saying:  “I forgive you.  I will never use it against you in the future.  I will never speak of it again to you or to anyone else.”

We have a prime example in what God has done for us, when we turn from him and repent he takes away our sin.  As Mark says, it’s not that God has dementia, it’s that he wipes it away totally, as far as the east is from the west and puts it into the sea of forgetfulness, and as the children’s song goes that I love “no fishing” we are not to go back in and fish that sin right back out again as it has been dealt with.  We need to be Christ to each other, showing that forgiveness is so key.  If you are the only Christ that a person will know, what example are you showing?

Mark talked about the power of their flag page, knowing and understanding who you are as a person, your strengths, what makes you tick.  He shared how freeing that was for him, that once he found out, he realized that he was in the wrong work position, he shared that with his Senior Pastor who was also his boss who helped him to transition into what he is doing now, something that is touching millions of peoples lives. How many of us are doing things that we are good at, but it’s not the best for us, what if we took the step to change and entered fully into what God has destined us to do, how freeing for us, how life changing for the world.

We are all gifted by God with a set of gifts and abilities, let’s focus on developing the positive and dispense with the negative and see what can happen with it.

I want to encourage you go to www.flagpagetest.com, complete the test, it will cost you US$10, a very small investment for such long-term benefits. Get your partner to complete it too.

If you haven’t watched the Laugh your Way to a Better marriage DVD series, purchase a copy, schedule some romantic nights at home with your partner, get the kids to watch them too.  Life changing stuff. Then pass it on to others who you know will benefit.

Purchase the DVD’s at any good Christian bookstore, or at our website www.businessblessings.com.au.  It’s not about us making money from it, it’s about upholding the strongest relationship that God created.  Your marriage.  How society will be changed with strong marriages.

Check out Mark Gungor’s website at www.laughyourway.com as well.

It will be great to hear about what you find as you complete the flag page test and the benefit to your life, let us know.

With all the various movies that are out there, we need to be applauding and supporting movies with a strong story line that portrays Christians in a good way and has a clear message.

I’ve seen The Blind Side twice now.  What a powerful movie.  The story of how a well to do Christian family take in a homeless kid and take care for him and adopt him into their family.  Yes it cost them, but the result a life changed transformed and one who is able to fulfill the destiny that God had for him. Plus their own family was changed and transformed along the way. It’s a great movie and a true story which makes it even better.

What if every Christian family took hold of this message and adopted one other child/family that worked with them to see their destiny fulfilled.  Would this not change the world?

Anyhow, I would encourage you to see the movie.  I think this is one where you buy the DVD and keep it in your collection and watch it every time you need encouragement.

Thank you Hollywood for producing a movie that we can take the family to see, be encouraged by and portray Christians in a great way. Well done Sandra Bullock you deserved the Oscar for this.

Check out the promo website at www.theblindsidemovie.com

What did you think of the movie?

What I have done here is taken some key passages from each section of the book.  It is a great and easy read, with so many personal experiences in the book that will challenge you and open your heart up to why we need to implement the use of these 10 words frequently in our lives.  Rich has some very practical suggestions that each one of us needs to take on board.

Introduction

The principles in this book are for everybody, but they apply in a special way for people who aspire to leadership positions.  Making the first move to be positive is a trait of great leaders.  Whether you lead a company, play a leadership role as a teacher or coach, or are a leader as a parent or grandparent, these powerful phrases will help you.

1.  “I’m Wrong”

I chose to begin with “I’m wrong” because it’s the hardest of the phrases to say and genuinely mean.  It’s tough to admit when we’re wrong, even to ourselves, and harder still to say out loud, “I’m wrong” – especially to those whom we care for most or want most to care about us.

Saying “I’m wrong” is meaningless unless it comes from our heart, not just our lips.  That often requires a genuine and profound change within ourselves, because we need to accept that we can be wrong.  Even if that admission hurts, we need to realize it’s simply human nature and that everyone makes mistakes.  We also need to realize that we can have a positive impact on the lives of others when we admit to them that we were wrong.

Our outward expression of admitting wrong can serve as an example of our willingness to change and can inspire others to change in positive ways.  A positive impact stems from our admission that we were wrong or our thinking was wrong.  “I’m wrong” are two little words that can help improve our own positive attitude.  It’s all part of this shift in our decision to create a positive atmosphere instead of a negative one.  If you’ve been wrong, say so!

2.  “I’m Sorry”

Along with saying “I’m wrong,” we have to be sorry for it.  By being wrong we may have hurt somebody in the process, so our admission must e more than something technical or mechanical – simply saying the other person was right, and we were wrong.  When we wrong someone, that person is going to respond to us and spill some anger.  We have to let him or her know we are sincerely sorry for what we did.  It’s so easy to try to defend our position, but it’s amazing how many problems disappear once we decided to say we’re sorry.  All the anger and emotion fall away.  The positive impact far outweighs our reluctance to admit we have feet of clay or to risk a loss of stature and bruises to the ego.

3.  “You Can Do It”

This is a remarkable chapter focusing on the fact that you can do it and having that attitude.  Rich very honestly shares the business failures he has had along the way and how having a “can do” attitude has helped to overcome each obstacle that they have faced.

Some of my favourite quotes from this chapter are:

A Student asked me at a college banquet recently, “What’s the most important thing a young person like me should know?  And I said to her, “You need to develop a philosophy of “You can do it.”  Whatever you want to do, you can do it.”  She seemed surprised.  Maybe no one had ever told her this before, so I was grateful for the opportunity to try to have a positive influence on a young person.

You can either try or cry – you can put people into two categories:  Those who are willing to try, and those who would rather not try and instead sit on the sidelines and cry a bout their lot in life and criticize those who do try.  We live in an age when it was not only easy to be a critic, it is popular.

As parents, we need to create a positive atmosphere in our homes.  We need to encourage our children that they can do anything they set their minds to do, and that God will bless them and keep his hand upon them.  We need to teach our children to trust in God and trust in themselves, believing that God gave them great ability and talents to make a difference in this world.

You will never discover how far you can go if you don’t start “doing it”.  Otherwise you limit your whole life and will always have regrets, thinking, I wish I’d tried that.  When you develop that “can do” attitude, it all happens, and the Lord then supplies you and begins to give you answers.  You weigh obstacles, but you consider them as just something to overcome instead of a reason to do nothing.

“Set a goal and go for it.  You can do it!”

4.  “I Believe in You”

The Power of Positive Living by Norman Vincent Peale

“Be a Believer = Be an Achiever”

We cannot achieve our highest goals without believing in ourselves.  One of the most effective ways we can help others achieve their dreams is to assure them, “I believe in you.”

I continue to encourage people to believe, because to me that’s key to helping build better communities, stronger families, higher-achieving and happier children, and employees who fulfil their career goals.  So I want to do whatever I can to let these people know I believe in them and encourage them to believe in themselves and go on to achieve more than they thought possible.

Too many people accomplish little more than a list of regrets because they doubted rather than believed – because they decided to listen to the negative opinions of others rather than try for themselves.  These people could have used a powerful boost by hearing the phrase, I believe in you”

Why not us?  Why not now?

We have to believe that we can be the winner, the achiever, the successful person who reaches goals.  We have to start now, because if we keep waiting and wondering, we’ll never do anything.

The cheers of parents and grand parents mean the most to children. Knowing we are cheering them on builds their confidence and tells them – simply by the fact we took the time and made the effort to be there – that we believe in them.  “I believe in you” – whether conveyed by our actions, our attitudes, or our words.

We may only have one chance to perform in ways that leave a positive impression.  We may not get a second chance to tell people “I believe in you” or act in a way that lets them know they are important to us.  If we miss that opportunity, it’s gone.

We all need to be encouraged in our daily work by an employer or co-worker who believes we can do the job well.

I believe that one of the most powerful forces in the world is the will of people who believe in themselves, who dare to aim high, to go confidently after the things that they want from life.

I believe in a God of unlimited potential who empowers people to reach their dreams.

We believe people are worthy and want to work and get ahead.

Norman Vincent Peale’s college profession said to him:  “believe in himself and believe that God would help him.” His prayer was “Lord, you can take a drunk and make him sober; you can change a thief into an honest person.  Can’t you also take a poor mixed-up guy like me and make me normal?”  He said that was the start of a series of miracles than turned him into a believer in himself and a positive thinker.

We need to have the ability to create an atmosphere of belief.

I’ve seen many people who have made a choice to be confident.  They start with uncertainty and a lack of belief in themselves, but with each little success they begin to believe a little more.  They eventually discover talents and abilities they never knew they possessed.

You can try or cry.  The opposite of “can’t “ is “try”.  When you believe in yourself, you can visualize the person you have the potential to be.  You can devote yourself totally to achieving your gaols when you break the crying habit and absolutely believe in what you can do.  Then you’ll also have the confidence to inspire others to believe in themselves.  “I believe in you” is an inspirational phrase for leaders to use, for parents tot ell their children or grandchildren, for a friend in need who is going through a tough time, for students to hear from teachers, and for employees to hear from employers.”

Just think of who you might set on a new course simply by showing someone you believe in him or her or learning to use the powerful phrase, “I believe in you.”

5.  “I’m Proud of You”

Our desire as children expressed in “Watch me” remains with us for a lifetime – a human need to be recognized and acknowledged by those who mean the most to us.  Simply put, we want to feel that they are proud of us.  We long for recognition all our lives. We work hard to earn the right to be proud of ourselves.  As wonderful as it is to take pride in our accomplishments, the power of that feeling is multiplied manyfold when others go out of their way to announce to us, “I’m proud of you”.

I learned quickly in business to appreciate the power of recognizing achievement and how quickly unrecognized achievement can kill incentive.  Only saints toil for long in anonymity.  When you learn to look for positive things in the lives of others you’ll find it easy to tell them you’re proud of them.  God created each one of us as a unique individual with our own talents and dreams.  He’s instilled in each of us an awareness that we’re special and are here for a purpose.  Recognition encourages our God-given desire to do our best.  That’s not to say we should be arrogant or should not heed the proverb that pride comes before a fall.  But let’s rejoice with pride that, as the Bible tells us, we are “wonderfully made” and capable of achieving wonderful things.

Beyond saying the words, you need to put it on paper.

Putting the phrase in writing just adds more power.

Nothing conveys a word of thanks or an expression of concern like a note written on paper, tucked into a hand-addressed envelope, and dropped into the mail.  Remember how you felt the last time you received a small, a hand-addressed envelope and opened it to find inside a card of thanks or congratulations?  I believe even the most important, busiest executive who is flooded daily with emails and other business mail will stop to open such a card.

(Personal note here, I was recently visiting my Brother and Sis-in-law in LA.  Their son had written a letter to President Obama, while I’m not sure what my nephew wrote, he did proudly carry around and show the hand-addressed envelope and card that he had received back.)

Because the power of these simple phrases is magnified when sent in writing, sending them in a letter or note is well worth the extra effort.  And a simple note need not take a lot of time.  I’d recommend keeping a supply of blank note cards or thank-you cards with stamps at the ready.  You don’t have to be a poet or compose lengthy letters.  All that’s required is a simple sentiment from the heart that will fit on a small card.  The next time you think of thanking that special someone, you can quickly and easily put your thoughts into action.  That way, you’ll make sure you recognize the people who did a great job, or who many need a word of encouragement, or who just need to know someone is thinking of them.  I’m convinced that this, one of the smallest investments we can make, can generate some of the most powerful results.

I find that “I’m proud of you” is especially uplifting for people who typically don’t win the awards and rewards of life, who may doubt their abilities and have a tough time finding something to be proud about.  That’s why it is doubly important for parents and teachers and employers to find ways to say, “I’m proud of you.”

Can a few simple words have the power to make a positive impact?  Find a reason to tell your children you’re proud of them, and see for yourself.  “I’m proud of you” is most powerful when said to someone in public, in front of people they respect and admire – their parents, friends, teachers, supervisors or esteemed colleagues.

I want to be a cheerleader in life, because we unfortunately already have our fair share of people who go the opposite direction:  tearing down instead of building up.  That’s why we have to believe in unlimited potential and encourage others to do likewise.  How will they ever know if they can paint that picture, runt hat business, sell that product write that book, earn that degree, hold that office, made a speech, win that game – unless they try it?  Feeling comfortable saying “I’m proud of you” to anyone who excels in any endeavour is simply a matter of having respect for the dignity of all people.

Make “I’m proud of you” part of your daily vocabulary.  I believe each of us was created to achieve a potential.  You can help people you know or love reach their full potential by looking for ways you can express your pride in them.

6.  “Thank you”

“Thank you” is an acknowledgement of the other person’s generosity.  It recognises the other person’s kindness and the effort that person made of think of us.  “Thank you” says we appreciate a job well done and the time someone devoted to develop his or her talents to perform for us or provide a skilled service.

Saying thanks and gestures of thanks are expressions of our love or kind thoughts about an individual.  Whoever we give even a small gift, the saying really is true that “it’s the thought that counts.”  But what’s most important is that we put our thoughts into action with a gesture: a card, a gift, or any expression of “Thank you.  I appreciate you.  You do good work and that work helped me.”

Just feeling thankful does nothing to demonstrate our gratitude.  Too often, we think about saying thanks but somehow don’t get around to taking the time.

A demonstration of our gratitude can be as simple as saying “Thank you” or can be more elaborate.  When made for the right reason, more elaborate gestures of thanks can do wonders.

People liked to be thanked and they need to be thanked! The well of kindness can dry up when we fail to acknowledge the givers of gifts.  Some people contribute significantly because they believe in a cause or from the goodness of their hearts.  It takes relatively little in return to thank them.

In addition to thanking the people we appreciate or who have done us a service of kindness, we also need to adjust our attitude to one of being thankful.  We have been greatly blessed in this country, and too often we tend to take our blessings for granted.  “I thank you”.  We can never wear out that phrase It should always be on the tip of our tongue if we are truly grateful to others who help us each day and to God who has richly blessed us with more abundance and freedom than any country in history.  When thinking about whom to add to our thank-you list, we need to remember each day to Thank God in prayer for the abundance of His blessings.

We are often too slow to give thanks and too quick to complain.

As Norman Vincent Peale preached for many years, if you’re worried about your problems and finding difficulty focussing on the positive, “Get Out of Yourself”.  Start thinking of others.  Despite a list of blessings to count each day, we unfortunately can always find something to complain about.  If we thought of someone much less fortunate and even helped that person, we would feel much more grateful for our own condition.  Peale believed that truly great people live extraordinary lives because they have a habit of thinking about other people and showing them kindness.  When we do a kindness for another person we can much better appreciate and be thankful to those who do us a kindness.  We can sit down to a meal, for example, thinking only of how the food will satisfy our appetite, or we can stop to appreciate the thought, skill, and effort involved in preparing the meal and be thankful.

Beyond saying “Thank you,” adjusting you attitude each day to being thankful for the abundance of God’s blessings.  If you and your family are healthy, have a roof over your head, food on the table, clothes on your back, and the gifts of love, laughter, and leisure, give thanks to God for His many blessings.  And don’t forget to share a portion of His blessings with those who have far fewer blessings to count.

I believe in a daily attitude of thankfulness, of expressing thanks for even the smallest favour or consideration, of thanking God in prayers, and of showing my gratitude by sharing His abundance. I believe thankfulness is powerful and one of the keys to a more positive society.

7.  “I need you”

Each of us is needed.  Believe it.  And tell others – your spouse, your children, your employees, or co-workers, your garbage man or pastor – “I need you”

There is no I in TEAM.

Think of all the people you need or have needed in your life:  your parents, your spouse, your teammates and co-workers who made it possible for you to win or to finish a job, that true friends who may have been the only person around during a time of great need, that special teacher of coach who showed you the way, a police officer or fire-fighter in time of danger, the plumber when the pipe broke, our pastor when your spirits were low, your neighbour when you ran out of a key ingredient in the middle of fixing dinner, your insurance agent after your car accident, or your doctor who provided care.  Most of us give little or not thought to farmers or even to where food comes from or to utility employees until we flip a switch and get no light or don’t receive the stream of clean water that routinely comes from turning a faucet.

The lives of millions of people can depend on the skills of a few people who are greatly needed.

There is nothing wrong with learning to tell people that you are dependent upon them.  Jay and I needed customers in our business.  So we flat-out told them that we needed their business, that they were important to us.

When you look around there is no limit to all the people you need, but few of those people ever actually hear from you that you need them.  We take them for granted and really don’t think about them a lot.  No one in a lofty position can say to someone in a lower position, “I don’t need you.”  How successful would a company be that consisted of jus presidents?

“I need you”.  That’s such a powerful phrase for positive people because it acknowledges that each person is created by God, and God created each of us for a purpose and to fulfil a need.

When we know that we are needed, we fell better about ourselves, perform better, and even want to do more to show how much we truly are needed.

I believe that each one of us on earth is a creature of God that we are here for a purpose and worthy of respect as a human being.

Anyone who becomes an effective leader and wins the respect and admiration of many followers knows that he or she needs them.  The higher some leaders climb, the more they lose sight of the people they think they left behind an no longer need.  That’s a fatal mistake.  Organizations in which people feel they are not needed are doomed to failure or at least a bumpy ride of uncertainty and dissatisfaction.  None of us is too important or self-sufficient not to need other people.  Why not create a more positive atmosphere in our homes, workplaces, and communities by telling people, “I need you.”

8.   I trust you

The success of our society depends on trusting that someone will do a good job, trusting each other to be honest, trusting that people will keep their promises.  We need trust among co-workers and within our families.  We trust our children, and they trust us.  Many of us are given great responsibilities that are all based on trust.

Trust is a key quality of leadership.  To be a worthy leader, you have to be trustworthy.

When you have the quality of trustworthiness, people want to be like you, to be your friend, to follow you, to be in business with your or partner with you.  When you consider the kind of people you want to associate with in any type of relationship, one quality you surely look for is trustworthiness.

Trust is developed through experience.

Trust is essential in a friendship, but we also need trust in community.

Businesses, societies, and even our world community require trust to function.

Trust means we deliver as promised.

We learned that we needed people we could trust to make a product with consistent quality and reliable delivery.  And we knew that products do not sell themselves and that our business succeeded by building relationships with people and earning their trust.

People buy from people they can trust.

Trust is based on the Golden Rule:  trusting that people will treat us, as they would like to be treated not only is assuring but encourages us to be trustworthy.

To have the most positive influence when telling someone we trust them, we must protect our own reputation for being trustworthy.  Trust can be quickly destroyed when we fail to deliver as promised or go back on our word.  Misplaced trust is difficult to recover.

An honest answer is important so people can rely on what we say.  We need to level with them at all times, whatever our answer.  We need to think through our answers about what we can or can’t, will or won’t do.  If you speak to people honestly, you will always have their trust.

One gains trust by being trustworthy, but you likely know people who’ve proven to be untrustworthy. Perhaps some people with whom you’ve done business have cheated a bit, haven’t provided all the details on an order, or have begun to do sloppy work as soon as they were comfortable they had you as a stead customer.  People like these betray your trust.

Life is teamwork.

We need to trust people to do their jobs and not act in ways that are harmful to the rest of us.

Trust means being unselfish – doing what’s best for everyone, even when there may be opportunity to better oneself.  We need the discipline to perform all that is required of a team.

Telling someone “I trust you” sends a special message.

9.  I respect you

Each person has value and is gifted in some way.

You earn respect by showing respect.

Saying the words “I respect you” is vey powerful, but respect really must be earned and demonstrated.  Respect is reciprocal.  If you want to be respected, you must respect others.  People know when you value and respect them and when you don’ts.  It’s difficult to hide disrespected, and people can sense your attitude almost instinctively.

Earning and showing respect begins with listening to people.

Everyone has some achievement in his or her life.  If you ask someone a few questions and learn a little about that person, you’ll discover reasons to say, “I respect you.”

Respect becomes part of your nature when you show an interest in people and listen.

Discovering reasons to respect people is actually easy, because everybody is happy to talk about themselves.  You never have a lull in a conversation if you just ask people about their lives.

Encouraging people to talk about themselves is powerful.  Just to be asked what we do or our opinion is a great compliment.

Showing interest in everyone we meet is one of the highest forms of respect.

We need to be interested in people and listen to them, but showing and earning respect also can be as simple as remembering names and faces. When people acknowledge us by name – especially when it’s someone important who remembers our name – we feel respected.

Learning to call people by their name shows our respect for them.

Showing respect beings with simply forgetting about ourselves for a moment and being aware of the other person.  I’ve practiced this type of respect for many years with our employee meetings.  We respected the opinions and abilities of our employees because first we respected them as people.  We felt they should have an opportunity to speak up around the table with us and offer their perspectives and suggestions.  They got to know me, and I got to know them by asking questions and listening.  They got to see that I wasn’t such a bad guy and wanted to treat them fairly.  That’s how respect is built.  A suggestion box is a wonderful sign of respect.  If we ignore people because our heads are too high in the clouds we’re making a big mistake.  If we really want to be important, we’ll pay attention to others and show respect to everyone.  That’s how to really become important.

True respect knows no social or economic barriers. It must extend to anyone in any walk of life.

When we consider that each person is created in the image of God with a purpose in life, we dignify all people by treating them as we ourselves wish to be treated.  God has a job for everybody.  Everybody has a role in life.  We need to respect everyone rather than compare our talents and occupations with theirs.  When we get into the arguments that “we’re better than you are” or “I’m stronger than you are,” we are showing disrespect.  When we categorize or stereotype people, we rob them of their dignity and personality.  We demean and dismiss them according to our own prejudices.  Living life in comparison with others if futile.  We’ll always have people ahead of us and behind us.  Playing the comparison game might be part of our competitive spirit, but it’s a bad and disrespectful game.

True respect should be shown regardless of differences in politics, religion or background. We can come from different backgrounds or disagree on viewpoints but still respect on another.

We can disagree on policies without condemning people personally.  When we learn the art of listening and being interested sincerely in other people and their points of view, we can then use the powerful phrase “I respect you”.  To tell a person you respect him or her is high praise.  Those are sweet words.

We also need to show respect for the personal decisions and feelings of others, even when their decisions may be contrary to what we believe is in our best interest.

A business, relationship, or any organization without respect for its members is doomed to failure.  An organization that changes from one in which members work together with respect to one of self-interest and internal squabbles is on a downward spiral.

Along with earning and showing respect we also need to remain positive in the face of disrespect.

A powerful way to overcome disrespect is simply to show respect

In sales, as in life, you often need to overcome much rejection before you succeed in earning respect.  But if you believe in yourself and others you can overcome rejection and earn respect by showing respect.

We all want and need to be respected.  If you want respect, I recommend you show respect by taking an interest in other people.  Ask a few questions.  Listen to people who are eager to share with you the proud moments of their lives.  You’ll quickly discover something about them for which you can say, “ I respect you” In so doing, you also will earn their respect, and as a respected person, you will gain self-respect.

10.  “I love you”

“I Love You” is a powerful phrase that encompasses all the others.  The way we feel about people – whether it’s romantic love, family relationships, or even close friendships – is a form of love.  We have to love one another; that’s the biblical admonish as expressed by Jesus Christ.  Love is a warmer way to express ourselves than saying, “I respect you” or “I believe in you.”  It’s a more tender way of expressing our feelings for people we admire and appreciate.  Love is a term of great trust and belief – the strongest term you can use to speak to another person if you feel that way about them.  Saying “I love you” is quiet a step for most people.

We need to look for and nurture love – for our God who blesses us richly, for marriages, for families, for friends, and for our communities.  Let’s not just think about saying “I love you” and regret later that we didn’t say it.  Let’s take every opportunity to tell our loved ones – from our hearts – “I love you”.  Or maybe just ay “Love ya” to someone you admire or appreciate.  If you can’t say the words, at least give someone a hug.  And make it a big one!

Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love the Lord our God with all our hearts and the second is to love our neighbours as ourselves.  Let’s all use our hearts.  Say, “I love you”. With this and all the other powerful phrases, we can all make our homes, communities, and world more positive places to live.