It’s not just about giving but receiving as well – in fact “every giving can only happen because it is also a receiving

Towards the end of last year I started saying to congregations when I was speaking to them to switch from a giving mode to a receiving mode.  To me this was a funny thing to do and one that I felt a bit strange with, yet so often we are very used to giving, giving, giving, but we don’t actually receive that which the Father has for us.

It is interesting that Paul when speaking to the church in Philippines talked about participating with him in “giving and receiving”.

Acts 20:35 says “In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ “  We have so focused on the giving side, we have forgotten about the receiving and discounted it all together.

This receiving bit struck home to me this weekend as I have read the book  “The Go-Giver – A little story about a Powerful Business Idea” by Bob Burg and John David Mann.  I read it because I’m on a bit of a quest at the moment to read other literature that one wouldn’t normally class as Christian, but takes biblical principles and apply them to real world business situations.

Here is what the book blurb says about “The Go-Giver”:

The Go-Giver tells the story of an ambitious young man named Joe who yearns for success.  Joe is a true go-getter, though sometimes he feels as if the harder and faster he works, the further away his goals seem to be.  And so one day, desperate to land a key sale at the end of a bad quarter, he seeks advice from the enigmatic Pindar, a legendary consultant referred to by his many devotees simply as the Chairman.

Over the next week, Pindar introduces Joe to a series of “go-givers”; a restaurateur, a CEO, a financial adviser, a real estate broker, and the “Connector”, who brought them all together.  Pindar’s friends share with Joe the Five Laws of Stratospheric Success and teach him how to open himself up to the power of giving.

Joe learns that changing his focus from getting to giving – putting other’s interest first and continually adding value to their lives – ultimately leads to unexpected returns.

Imparted with wit and grace, the Go-Giver is a heartwarming and inspiring tale that brings new relevance to the old proverb “Give and you shall receive.”

I’m going to give a summary of the principles outlined in this book, but you really do need to read it to see the context within which the principles are shared to gain the full impact of them.

Successful people keep their focus on what they’re  giving and that’s what creates their success.

What you focus on is what you get.

Ultimately the world treats you more or less the way you expect to be treated.

The word secret – originally it meant something treasured – something sifted, weighed and set apart for its special value.

What is shared is the Five laws of Stratospheric Success.  The key though to each of the laws is that once they are learned they must be put into practice the same day.

It never hurts to be kind to people.

Appearances can be deceiving.  Truth is, they nearly always are.

Everyone likes to be appreciated – that the golden rule in business – all things being equal, people will do business with and refer business to those people they know, like and trust.

Law Number One – the Law of Value – “Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.”

The first question should be, ‘Does it serve? Does it add value to others?’ If the answer to that question is yes, then you can go ahead and ask, “does it make money?” Or in other words, exceed people’s expectations, and they’ll pay you even more.

The point is not to have them pay you more, it’s to give them more.  You give, give, give. Why?  Because you love to.  It’s not a strategy, it’s a way of life.  And when you do, then very, very profitable things being to happen.

All the great fortunes of the world have been created by men and women who had a greater passion for what they were giving – their product, service or idea – than for what they were getting.  And many of those great fortunes have been squandered by others who had a greater passion for what they were getting than what they were giving.

Your true worth is determined by how much more you give in value than you take in payment.  But doing that doesn’t necessarily mean that the payment you receive will increase.  The first law determines how valuable you are.  In other words, your potential success, how much you could earn.  But it’s the Second law that determines how much you actually do earn.

The Second Law – the Law of Compensation – Your income is determined by how many people you serve and how well you serve them.

Your compensation is directly proportional to how many lives you touch.

It’s not a question of their value.  It’s a question of impact.

There are two amazing things about this.  First, it means that you get to determine your level of compensation – it’s under your control.  If you want more success, find a way to serve more people.  It’s that simple.  Secondly, it means there are no limitations on what you can earn, because you can always find more people to serve.

Rev Martin Luther King Jr once said, “Everybody can be great because anybody can serve.”  Another way to say that might be, “Everybody can be successful because anybody can give.”

I was brought up to believe that there are two types of people in the world.  There are people who get rich, and there are people who do good.  My belief system said you’re one or the other, you can’t be both.  The people who got rich did so by taking advantage of everyone else.  The people who really cared about others and provided services – policeman, nurses, volunteer workers, and of course, teachers – those were the world’s good people, and they could never be rich.  That would be a contradiction in terms.  I saw that my old belief system as only getting in the way.  It wasn’t serving. So I decided to change it.

Your life works the same way.  You just make it up.  Being broke and being rich are both decisions.  You make them up, right up here (your mind).  Everything else is just how it plays out.

What you focus on is what you get.

You need to give more in value than you get in payment.  You need to enlarge the number of people that you serve.

Three universal reasons for working: Survive – to meet your basic living needs.  Save – to go beyond your basic needs and expand your life. And serve – to make a contribution to the world around you.

Unfortunately most people spend their entire lives focusing on the first.  A smaller number focus o the second.  But those rare few who are truly successful – not just financially, but genuinely successful in all aspects of their lives – keep their focus squarely on the third.

Changing my focus from seeing what I could get to what I could give was when my career started to take off. Started to.  But in a business like mine – actually in any business – you also need to know how to develop a network.

By a network I don’t necessarily mean your customers or clients.  I mean a network of people who know you, like you and trust you.  They might never buy a thing from you, but they’ve always go you in the backs of their minds.  They’re people who are personally invested in seeing you succeed, y’see? And of course, that’s because you’re the same way about them.  They’re your army of personal walking ambassadors.

When you’ve got your own army of personal walking ambassadors, you’ll have referrals coming your way faster than you can handle them.

We need to stop keep score.

When you base your relationships in business or anywhere else in your life on who owes who what, that’s not being a friend, that’s being a creditors.

We need to watch out for the other guy.  Watch out for his interests.  Watch his back.  Forget about fifty-fifty.  Fifty-fifty’s a losing proposition.  the only winning proposition is one hundred percent. Make your win about the other person, go after what he wants.  Forget win-win focus on the other person’s win.

The Third Law, the Law of influence:  Your influence is determined by how abundantly you place other people’s interests first.

Because if you place the other person’s interests first, your interest will always be taken care of.  Always.  Some people call it enlightened self-interest.  Watch out for what other people need, with the faith that when you do, you’ll get what you need.

What creates influence? Money, position, a history of outstanding accomplishments?  Those things don’t create influence – influence creates them. What creates it?  Putting other people’s interests first?

Have you ever wondered what makes people attractive? I mean, genuinely attractive? magnetic? They love to give.  That’s way they’re attractive.  Givers attract. And that’ why the law of influence works.  Because it magnetizes you.

These lessons don’t only apply to business.  A genuinely sound business principle will apply anywhere in life – in your friendships, in your marriage, anywhere.  That’s the true bottom line.  Not whether it simply improves your financial balance sheet, but whether it improves your life’s balance sheet.

The success of a happy marriage – I care more about my wife’s happiness that I do about my own.

You need to learn to be a friend.  How to care.  How to make people feel good about themselves.  And that, my friends, is something the marketplace wants very much – always has and always will.

People remember this: no matter what your training no matter what your skills, no matter what area you’re in, you are your most important commodity.  The most valuable gift you have to offer is you.

Reaching any goal you set takes ten percent specific knowledge or technical skills – ten percent, max.  The other ninety-plus percent is people skills.

And what’s the foundation of all people skills? Liking people? Caring about people? Being a good listener? Those are all helpful, but they’re not the core of it.  The core of it is who you are.  It starts with you.

The Fourth Law:  The Law of Authenticity: The most valuable gift you have to offer is yourself.

When you talk about giving, the first thing that comes to mind is “It is better to give than to receive”.

If you’re a good person, that’s what you do, you give.  Good people give and don’t think of receiving.  But you, you think about receiving all the time, you can’t help it.  Which means you’re probably not really a very good person … so why bother trying?  All this giving stuff sounds great – for some people. For people like me, maybe. But not for you. It’s just not who you are.

Receiving is the natural result of giving.  If you give and then try to stop the receiving that comes back, you’re like King Canute watching the tide roll out and commanding it not to come back in,.  It has to come back in, just as your heart has to contract after relaxing.

At this instant, all over the globe, all of humanity is breathing in oxygen and breathing out carbon dioxide.  So is the rest of the animal kingdom.  And right now, at this instant, all over the globe, the billions and billions or organisms of the plant kingdom are doing the exact opposite – they’re breathing in carbon dioxide and breathing out oxygen. Their giving is our receiving, and our giving is their receiving.

In fact, every giving can only happen only because it is also a receiving

All the giving in the world won’t bring success, won’t create the results you want, unless you also make yourself willing and able to receive in like measure.  Because if you don’t let yourself receive, you’re refusing the gifts of others – and you shut down the flow.  Because human beings are born with appetite, nothing is more naturally geared toward being receptive than a baby, and if the secret of staying young, vibrant and vital throughout life is to hang onto those most precious characteristics we all have as children but which get drummed out of us – like having big dreams, being curious, and believing in yourself – then one of those characteristics is being open to receiving, being hungry to receive, being ravenous to receive!

So the secret to success to gaining it to having it, is to give, give, give. The secret to getting is giving.  And the secret to giving is making yourself open to receiving.  What do you call this law?

The Fifth Law: The Law of Receptivity – the key to effective giving is to stay open to receiving.

I trust that you have enjoyed this summary of the book.  Really though you need to read it yourself to see the context of how each of the laws is given and described.  Be blessed as you read it.  Let me know your thoughts as well.

Appreciation Marketing – How to Achieve Greatness Through Gratitude

Some weeks ago my Pastor include a passage of scripture in his sermon from Psalm 50:23 – “He who sacrifices thank offerings honors me, and he prepares the way so that I may show him the salvation of God.”  Since then it has been like God has been saying that there is a lot more verse than what I think.  Since then I’ve been aware of what others have been saying about thanksgiving.

Last weekend I was struck by a lady who shared her testimony that she had gone into a severe depression when he daughter had left for college.  A friend of hers encouraged her to send a thank you card to one person every day for seven days.  At the end of that seven days the depression broke.  That shows the power of thankfulness.

On Wednesday night I was preparing for a trip to Sydney the next day, I had a lot to do in preparation for the various meetings that I needed to attend the next day, but felt that I needed to take some time out and send thank you cards for the various meetings that I had already been in that week.  The next day on the plane to Sydney I took some time to ask God about some various situation in my own life and as I journalled there were some amazing insights that came.  I remember thinking, God where did that all come from, the answer came, because of your thankfulness you created an altar and prepared a way for the salvation of God to come – in my case that was some answers to some much-needed questions.

As a result I wanted to do some reading and research to learn of others who have practised a life of thankfulness to see the results.  This book by Tommy Wyatt & Curtis Lewsey is the first I’ve read, there are some amazing stories in here which I wanted to share with you.
Wyatt & Lewsey talk about Appreciation Marketing explaining that building better and stronger relationships with your inner circle and your client base is more important today than it ever was before.  Not only is it fundamentally wise, but where your present and future success is concerned, it’s essential.

They share that the truth is, not saying thank you does more damage than actually saying thank you does good.

In the business arena though, especially today, those age-old words – thank you – have given companies and individuals a series edge in the marketplace.  Simply heartfelt thank you messages have created a competitive advantage.  When was the last time you got a personal greeting card in the mailbox?  When was the last time you had a handwritten card on your windshield, on your door, or even on your pillow?  A little better than an email, huh?

One example is of Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mark Kay Cosmetics.  She build a $1.2 billion cosmetics empire because she understood the importance of gratitude.  Her personal philosophy, which she taught to her sales reps , was to send out three hand-written thank you notes every night before bed.

This practice not only expressed her gratitude to the people she met and did business with, but also allowed her to maintain a positive attitude all day long as she sought out people to whom she’d send these thank you notes.

Today Mary Kay Cosmetics has 1.5 million sales people in 32 countries.  She knew how to harness the power of thank you.

Clearly sending notes and cards isn’t the only way to say thank you.  But it just might be the best way.

A phone call is nice, an email does the trick, but it’s the actual note or card that sets you apart big time.  Think about it.  You hang up the phone.  You delete the email.  But what do you do with the card?  Yeah, many times it gets thrown away, but how many old greeting cards do you have around that you’ve saved – for whatever reason?  There’s something about a heartfelt note or greeting card that makes a person feel special.  Sort of like a photo album.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said people will forget what you did, but people will never gorget how you made them feel.”  Maya Angelou

When is it too late to say thank you?  The answer is:  Never

The proper thing to do would be to send a thank you note and apologize for it being late.  Tell the person about how you’ve been thinking about them and their wonderful gesture and have been meaning to get out that thank you, but life got in the way.  You’ll come off like a star.  Problem solved.

What to say “thank you” for..

This shouldn’t be a tricky subject at all. The answer is: Everything!

The Appreciation Marketing genius is creative when it comes to the subject of thank you.  Not only is he automatic in expressing the expect thank yous, but he’s constantly finding ways to convey the unexpected thank yous that have far more impact.

Think about it.  You expect a thank you when you give somebody a gift or go out of your way in some capacity.  But how often do you receive a thank you from somebody for something small or even something profound?

A “something small” could be: Thank you for meeting me for coffee.  Something “profound” might be:  Thank you for being a positive influence on my life or my business career.

In either case, the expected thank yous are important – but they are expected.  However it’s unexpected gratitude that sets you apart as an extraordinary human being.  It’s the type of appreciation that creates warm feelings toward you and is then passed along to others.

The “Next Level” of Thank you

There are varying degrees of thank you:

First you have the words, “thank you”

Second you have a gesture, like a phone call, a greeting card, or a personal note: both expected an unexpected.

And, finally, we have the next level of thank you; the gift.  There is no classier expression of gratitude than to include a gift with a heartfelt thank you.

Dr Steven Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, in his newest book “Everyday Greatness” he wrote:

“In terms of the energy and know-how required, gratitude is one of the easiest of all principles to apply.  Though it also generally returns rich dividends, it is vastly underutilized.  Why?  Perhaps because of a lack of humility – It can be hard to acknowledge the need to be helped.  Or a lack of courage – a person might be too shy to tell another how much he or she means.  Yet, people with Everyday Greatness are quick to exhibit everyday gratitude.  They do not take life or the kindness of others for granted.  They are eager to say thanks and among the first to express praise.”

Tim Sanders, the Chief Solutions officer at Yahoo! in his book “The Likeability Factor” says:  “Our nation is so focused on efficiency and productivity that we forget that likeability is truly our lifeline.  People who are likeable, or who have what I call a high L-factor, tend to land jobs more easily, find friends more quickly, and have happier relationships.  I now believe having a high L-factor isn’t just a way to improve your life, it’s a way to save it.”

A 2000 Yale University study showed that the majority of today’s successful business leaders attained their edge through likeability.  They make it a habit to treat their customers, employees, colleagues, and associates with respect and they get the same in return.

You need to internalize what every customer thinks ….

“I’d be happy to do business with you … if only I liked you”

Don’t serve up chocolate coated dog crap.  What is that?  it is simply a self-serving action that is being “dressed up” or disguised to look like a heartfelt gesture.  An example, sending a birthday card and including your business card in it.  It’s very simply the act of doing something with the full intent of getting something in return.

If you were to send your friends, customers and clients a real heartfelt birthday card (hmmm, there’s an interesting idea), and kept is as such, you’d be a genius.

A little sincerity goes a long way in this world.  The concept is so “old school” that people, in their efforts to do things better, faster and more efficiently have drifted farther and farther away from what is logical.

Plant a TOMATO garden – TOMATO stands for “Top of Mind Awareness … Through Others”.

Top of Mind Awareness (TOMA)  is when someone thinks of you whenever a certain topic comes up.

Jordan Adler, author of Beach Money, is one of the most successful networkers in the world.  He believes that there are three factors that will determine how powerful your network will be as it relates to your income and your success.

1.  How many people do you have in your contact manager?

2.  What is the quality of the relationships you have with the people in your contact manager?  Do they like you and do they trust you?

3.  Do those people in your contact manager remember you?

An excellent way to go about your new Appreciation Marketing Strategy would be to focus on serving others.  Not for dinner, but finding ways to help them achieve their goals and dreams.

“You can have everything you want, if you just help enough other people get what they want.”  Zig Ziglar

Learn a lesson from JFK “Ask not what other people can do for you; ask what you can do for them”

Caring about other people and taking a genuine interest in them is also part of your forming a magnetic personality.  And isn’t that what you’d like where your business and personal life are concerned?

Bill Cates “Referrals come through who you are, not what you sell.”

How might your business be enhanced if you made it a point to meet people, get their business cards, and create sincere “giving” relationships?  What if you made it a point to refer business to people and expected nothing in return?  I’m going to suggest that you’ll have other people referring you more business than you can handle.

Bill Cates, author of “Unlimited Referrals:  Secrets that Turn Business Relationships into Gold calls these relationships “referral alliances”.

“I know sales people who have built incredible careers using this referral alliance strategy.  Just as referral selling is more than just a bunch of techniques (it’s a way of thinking), so too is this concept of forming referral alliances.  You move through life acting on the knowledge that building strong, mutually beneficial relationships with people, even those who may never buy what you sell, will take you to higher levels of success.”

That little Extra

“The difference between ordinary and extraordinary is that little extra”.  Former Dallas Cowboys coach, Jimmy Johnson

Sam Parker and Mac Anderson point out in their book 212 The Extra Degree point out that a 211-degrees, water is hot.  At 212-degrees water boils.  With boiling water comes steam, and steam can power a locomotive.  They point out that “it’s the one extra degree of effort, in business and in life, that can separate the good from the great.”

Sales statistics on why customers leave show that one out of a hundred will die, three will relocate, five will buy from a friend, nine will be stolen by a competitor, fourteen will leave on price point, and sixty-eight out of a hundred will leave you because of perceived difference.

What exactly is perceived indifference?  Perceived indifference could mean that your customer didn’t think you’d care if he left.  Or, it could mean that he didn’t think you cared about him.  Or maybe he doesn’t care about you.

Whatever it actually means, one thing is for sure…

A customer will stay if they think you do care about them! And if they think you care about them … they care about you.

So how does one set up an Appreciation Marketing Strategy?

Make a list of the people you know.  These are the initial people that you appreciation should start to flow to.  Start with the obvious, making one quick phone call a day.

Next grab a stack of thank you cards, a stack of nice-to-meet-you cards, and a few birthday cards and keep them in a box in your office, along with a roll of stamps.  How about once or twice a day, you pull one out, tell somebody that you’re thinking about them, address the envelope and put it in the mailbox.

Need an extra hour a day.  Wake up 15 minutes earlier, go to lunch 15 minutes later, get back from lunch 15 minutes earlier, and go to bed 15 minutes later.  There’s your hour.

Robin Hensley, author of Raising the Bar has built a career on going the extra mile, believes that taking the extra few minutes to send an actual greeting card, as opposed to just an email, sets her apart and shows someone that she recognizes them as a human being.  “A written note also shows that you’re a very thoughtful and organized person.”

“People know when you’re sincere  in your intent.  It’s not a marketing tool and it’s not a matter of just going through the motions.  My business is about people and helping them achieve their goals.  When you write to recognize people for their accomplishments, it makes them feel better and also makes you feel better.”

Appreciation isn’t a to do list. It needs to be a principles.  It needs to be a habit. It needs to be carried out a level of unconscious competence.

Anthony Robbins “When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears.”

Did you every think it odd that when people pray, consciously or otherwise, they always seem to be asking for something?  They only seem to pray in a time of need.  Well, doesn’t it stand to reason that the laws of appreciation – which I submit are universal laws – should then also hold up when it comes to praying?

Wallace Wattles says “the grateful mind is constantly fixed upon the best.  Therefore, it tends to become the best; it takes the form or character of the best and will receive the best.”

Reasons to be grateful are all around us, even in the worst of times.  Yet, it is easy to take these things for granted.

Become a “good finder”

Gratitude is an attitude and attitude is everything.

If you think you’re great, everyone else will too.

What is true greatness?  It’s the opinion you have of yourself.  I can’t place the quote, but at some time during the past ten years I heard some famous water-walking self-help guru say “the most important conversation you have is the conversation you have with yourself. Amen!

Og Mandino, the Greatest Salesman in the World says “I am nature’s greatest miracle.  I am not on this earth by chance.  I am here for a purpose and that purpose is to grow into a mountain, not shrink to a grain of sand.  Henceforth I will apply all my efforts to become the highest mountain of all and I will strain my potential until it cries for mercy.”

The popcorn principles simply states that certain actions repeated, when done in the proper sequence, will always yield the desired outcome.

The popcorn principle states that if you follow these directions to a tee, you’ll end up with a perfect bowl of popcorn every time.  Why then, do people still mess it up?

The challenge with this principle, you see, is that people don’t like to follow directions.

How does all this relate to Appreciation Marketing?

Simple if you begin to utilize and appreciation marketing system that includes saying thank you, being a more likable person, being a giver, sending random notes and greeting cards for no particular reason, expressing genuine gratitude through heartfelt phone calls and unexpected small gifts, acknowledging and appreciating yourself and all the things in your life, then you – just like you did with that bag of popcorn – will reap the benefits of an abundant life.  This will carry forth in both your business and your personal life, guaranteed.

The secret is simple: choose and practice a few simple disciplines – negative or positive – compound them daily and then project your life forward.

“Doubt will take you out of action; Action will take you out of doubt” Pat Hintze

“You have to be, before you can do. And you have to do, before you can have.”  Zig Ziglar

So here’s where the rubber meets the road. When challenges arise, you can do one of three things.  You can worry.  You can hope.  Or you can create.  You create by taking action and we suggest that you being your action by creating your own personal appreciation marketing system.

Sending thank you notes is also a huge part of an effective appreciation marketing system.  The “expected” thank yous are crucial, but it’s the “unexpected” thank yous that set you apart.  What’s an unexpected thank you?  Think about it.  If you go out of your way for somebody, or give somebody a gift, you expect a thank you. when it comes, its appreciated but, gain, it was expected.

An unexpected thank you is exactly that.  You didn’t expect to get it.  Few people understand the power of the unexpected thank you because so few people have ever received one.  Your job is to send them.

Smile.

Use two-handed handshakes.

When you hire somebody and they do excellent work for you, in addition to thanking them properly, take a few minutes and type up a professional looking testimonial on your personal (or your company) letterhead. Then sign it.  This simple act will come back to you ten-fold.

It’s crucial to your AMS that you do not include business cards, logos, or promotional materials of any kind with these gifts!  Remember the phony dog poop cake.

Many times we make assumptions that people know how much we care about them, so we don’t make the effort to communicate it.

The biggest regret that people carry around, generally, is that they neglected to appreciate someone and then that someone dies.  The greatest thing you can do for another person, and yourself, is to express your gratitude and your feelings to the people in your life – while they are still in your life!

Just use your imagination.  Apply an attitude of gratitude to everything that you do and don’t forget to appreciate yourself along the way.

The Appreciator

… Expresses Gratitude

… is a Magnetic Person

… Gives off positive energy

… controls his enthusiasm

… lifts other people up

… doesn’t complain

… is humble

… is genuine and patient

… is clean

… is sincere

… builds strong relationships

… is a giver

… is a connector

… goes the extra mile

… recognizes his assets

… is grateful

… sees good when others cannot

… loves life

… practices proper habits

I would strongly encourage you to read this great book.  You can purchase it through amazon.  Also check out their website at www.appreciationmarketing.com

Let me know what you think once you have read it.

The Magic of Thinking Big – Chapter Three – Build Confidence and Destroy Fear

How many of us don’t do things because of fear?

God is constantly saying in his word when he speaks to people “Do Not Be Afraid”.  Remember what God said to Joshua in Joshua 1:6-9:

⁶ “Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. ⁷ Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. ⁸ Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. ⁹ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”

How many times did he have to tell Joshua that he wasn’t to be afraid?

Two keys to overcoming fear:

1.  Understand that perfect love casts out fear.

1 John 4:18 says: There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

As we understand how much God loves us and cares for us and realize that nothing can harm us, that we can move forward.

2.  Action cures fear.

I’ve found what David Schwartz has to say in this chapter to be very comforting and very helpful.  Some key thoughts he brings out are:

Fear is real.  And we must recognize it exists before we can conquer it.

Fear is success enemy number one.  Fear stops people from capitalizing on opportunity; fear wears down physical vitality; fear actually makes people sick, causes organic difficulties, shortens life; fear closes our mouth when you want to speak.

Fear – uncertainty, lack of confidence – explains why we still have economic recessions.  Fear explains why millions of people accomplish little and enjoy little.

Truly, fear is a powerful force.  In one way or another fear prevents people from getting what they want from life.

Fear of all kinds and sizes is a form of psychological infection.  We can cure a mental infection the same way we cure a body infection – with specific, proved treatments.

First, though, as part of your pretreatment preparation condition yourself with this fact:  all confidence is acquired, developed.  No one is born with confidence, who have conquered worry, who are at ease everywhere and all the time, acquired their confidence, every bit of it.

You can, too, This chapter shows how.

Reading the above quote, it makes so much sense why God says that we are not to fear, that we are to be strong and courageous.

But how?

Action does cure fear.

When we face tough problems, we stay mired in the mud until we take action.  Hope is a start.  But hope needs action to win victories.

Isolate your fear. Then take appropriate action.

A two-step procedure to cure fear and win confidence:

1.  Isolate your fear.  Pin it down. Determine exactly what you are afraid of.

2.  Then take action.  There is some kind of action for any kind of fear.

(on page 54 Schwartz has a fantastic table of the type of fear and the actions steps to overcome that fear)

Muck lack of self-confidence can be traced directly to a mismanaged memory. (This is a fascinating section and must read)

Two specific things to do to build confidence through efficient management of your memory bank:
1.  Deposit only positive thoughts in your memory bank

2.  Withdraw only positive thoughts from your memory bank

There is a fascinating testimony of an associate in a firm of psychological consultants who handled many types of cases, but mostly marriage problems and psychological adjustment situations. His remark was:  ”You know, there would be no need for my services if people would do just one thing.” “Simply this:  destroy their negative thoughts before those thoughts become mental monsters.”

He goes on to say:

Don’t build mental monsters.  Refuse to withdraw the unpleasant thoughts from your memory bank.  When you remember situations of any kind, concentrate on the good part of the experience; forget the bad.  Bury it.  If you find yourself thinking about the negative side, turn your mind off completely.

And here is something very signficant and very encouraging.  Your mind wants you to forget the unpleasant.  If you will just cooperate, unpleasant memories will gradually shrivel and the teller in your memory bank will cancel them out.

Fear of other people is a big fear. But there is a way to conquer it.  You can conquer fear of people if you will learn to put them into proper perspective.

Here are two ways to put people in proper perspective:

1.  Get a balanced view of the other person.  Keep these two points in mind when dealing with people:  first, the other person is important.  Emphatically, they are important.  Every human being is.  But remember this, also:  You are important, too.  So when you meet another person, make it a policy to think, “We’re just two important people sitting down to discuss something of mutual interest and benefit.”

2.  Develop an understanding attitude.  People who want figuratively to bit you, growl at you, pick on you, and otherwise chop you down are not rare.  If you’re not prepared for people like that, they can punch big holes in your confidence and make you feel completely defeated.  You need a defense against the adult bully, the fellow who likes to throw his meager weight around.

Remember hold your fire.  The way to win in situations like this is to let the other fellow blow his stack and then forget it.

Practice doing what your conscience tells you is right.  This prevents a poisonous guilt complex from developing.  Dong what’s right is a very practical rule for success.

Make everything about you say, “I’m confidence, really confident.”  Practise these little techniques in  your day-to-day activities:

- be a front seater.

- make eye contact

- walk 25 percent faster

- speak up

- smile big.

The kids watched “The Sound of Music” on Saturday night.  When Maria was first going to the Von Trapp families home she sang the song all about having confidence.  It’s the same thing, have confidence in  yourself that you can do it!